Remember when we were young?
I remember when I was young, I felt like I had no fear. I fell in love with my best friend, and it took not time to tell him. Saying I love you felt good, made me so happy to feel it and be in love. It was an amazing love lasting over 20 years, through many life events the good the bad and the ugly. It all happened. It wasn’t always amazing, but it was true.
Now as that has passed, that love has ended, and I have taken time to heal and move on and try again. I went through the grief stages, bargaining, depression, anger, denial, and acceptance. Not sure if there is an order to the stages but I felt them in an order and then there was some back and forth, depression and acceptance and then back to depression. Just like a yo-yo.
As time passed and they say time heals all wounds, I fell in love again. But did I really? I said “I love you” but with fear. I want to say it as freely as I did before when I was younger and had no fear, but in truth is now I am so scared of love and feeling it, saying it and believing in it. It’s so scary to give your trust and love to possibly have something go wrong again.
Why is love so scary?
There is no guarantee, like loving your child or your dog. Even those can be hard at times. Loving a partner is incredibly scary that I don’t know if that will truly happen again in my life, to me. As I get older the fear grows, fear of being alone as I age, fear or not having the special person to hold and be with, in the rainy days and cold winter storms, in the heat waves in the quiet days and the boring ones. It’s scary to love and to be alone. Why does the end of one love create so much fear in loving again and trusting again?
コメント