The holiday season often triggers a surge of emotions. My child's enthusiasm for Santa and gifts contrasts sharply with my feelings of loneliness. I strive to make my child's dreams come true, putting in my best effort. Yet, as a single mom, I feel a pang of sadness at not having full family to share these moments with. Single translates to alone, alone to lonely, lonely because I was left, broken up with and discarded. This feeling of a broken family that can never be a family again is overwhelming.
I don’t want to be in a place where I find myself weary of buying toys that only bring fleeting joy upon unwrapping, as my child doesn't engage with them as I did. Most of our closet space is merely dedicated to storing unused toys, gathering dust. The stress of both the financial strain and finding space for these toys compounds my sense of isolation. The emptiness I feel with just the two of us is overwhelming and deeply sad.
Recognizing these emotions, I've considered on what might be causing them. Family dynamics, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and a sense of loss during this time might be contributing factors. My life doesn't align with the vision I had. Leading to complete disappointment in myself. I'm left questioning how my life turned out this way and how I can improve it. I yearn for happiness, not just for myself but for my child to witness and experience it too. I want to cherish the wonderful things we have without fretting about cramped closets filled with toys. I long to embrace the holiday season with joy rather than feeling the urge to withdraw from activities and friends.
These persistent winter blues are weighing heavily on me, and I struggle to find something that brings contentment. A friend suggested seeking help, but I feel unprepared. How can I reach the point where I'm ready to help myself? My emotions swing between seeming okay and then being overwhelmed by waves of sadness, leaving me feeling detached from everything.
I want to leave this on a positive note, for my readers and for myself. I will take it one day and one step at a time. I will do one thing a day for me. Today it’s simply painting my nails to make me feel better, it’s for me. Tomorrow it might be a walk outside in the sun, and hopefully it will be a sunny day even if it if cold. So do something positive for yourself too, and maybe one day I’ll be ready to call someone and talk to someone. Hopefully, it will be ok2vent and you will be ready and ok2vent.
Comments